Love Marriage Vs Arranged Marriage

I know, this is one of the most popular topic on the Internet and off the internet as well. People literally jump into conversation to put forward their views. (Or it would be more appropriate to call it as a fight) :-) Sometimes directly or indirectly defending their own sides. At least, I can share my views here without any interruption until I finish… :-)

But before I start I’m sure you must be wondering – “why the hell Rahul is writing about marriages especially when he has no experience of a marriage at all?”

Come on guys, tell me honestly, can I even dare to say anything against marriage, after getting married? – No; So this is the time.. ;-)

 

Let’s start with comparing the differences rather than comparing the benefits. As far as my understanding is concerned, I believe the most significant difference would be the premarital time. In any love marriage, you get more time before marriage and with no strings attached so probably  you feel you are not obligated. You have a free will to understand your partner & move on if things don’t work out. However, in most of the love marriages people don’t even start with the  objective of getting married ; they become good friends & they find each other so compatible that they actually end up marrying each other.

Now consider the arranged marriage – obviously, the objective is clearly defined here even before you meet each other personally. And then you start matching those missing blocks to find the right match. The best part is; your family knows what you are doing so you don’t have to wait to talk on the phone untill everybody sleeps in the night :-) (Now, you may count that as a benefit, short term though…) And you can proudly announce your dating schedule in front of your whole family with no counter-questions what-so-ever.

Anyways, as I mentioned above, does that extra premarital time really make any difference? I mean I’ve friends falling into both these categories with mixed opinions, Read few of these comments –

- “In love marriage, you know your partner well before so there is nothing left to explore after marriage”

– “In arranged marriages, you get to see true colors of your partner only after marriage (really? Come on guys, you can’t be so pessimistic, you can say at least some good things about marriage)”

and so on & on & on…

Ok but to conclude in short, here is my 2 cents – It’s probably not about the way you get married, it’s about the mutual understanding and the patience (yes the patience to get along with those mood swings, the patience you need to cope up with the cricket match until it ends or the patience you need to choose blue curtains for your bedroom :-) )

Basically, it is just the compatibility & not the way of getting married. :-)

P.S. Please note, this article was written in order to highlight the differences between various types of Indian marriages & its completely for fun with no intention to provide any counselling advise what-so-ever. So please consider your partner selection decisions at your own risk.  :-)

P.P.S. And yes, one more thing, stop predicting my status based on the article above, I bet you going to get it wrong, so wait till I reveal it ;-)

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Stressful Life, Why?

It was an extremely cold morning & I was out for morning walk with Dad. Since I was back home on leave for 5 days, it was our usual routine to get up early, go for morning walk & have a cup of tea from the beach-side hotel. Weather was awesomely pleasant. While we were walking, I noticed a cute little kid, with long hair tied up as a pony tail walking with his Dad holding Dad’s finger. He must be around 3-4 years old, trying to walk little faster to match up with his Dad’s speed. His Dad was visibly a poor man, I guess a building construction labour. Kid was seemingly happy & laughing loudly enough that I could hear him on the other side of the road, probably because his Dad was telling him some funny story. I was wondering what that small kid was trying to tell his father :-)

father-and-son1

Another incident  reported by one of my friend. He was in his hometown for Diwali. As you know in India, Diwali is the season for shopping, my friend was also out for shopping.He saw a guy returning back home, riding on his bicycle. And guess what? His entire family, his son, wife & himself riding on the same bicycle. Enjoying their ride, they must have finished their Diwali shopping & returning back home.

Now from both these incidents I noticed that these people definitely do not have lavishing lifestyles but still they were visibly happy & contained with their lives. On the other hand I meet so many people around me; they actually do not have any reason to be tensed or depressed. They have a secure job, earning enough money to afford their lavishing lifestyle. I mean, don’t take me wrong, I’m not only considering monetary aspects but these people are really depressed for nothing. Think about those people who can’t even afford meals for 2 times a day but still they manage to smile. Even worse, I’ve noticed a pathetic & irritating trend of running behind money endlessly. It is so damn irritating when people keep discussing about money all the time. I’m not saying they are wrong, I understand financial stability is important factor but people are getting obsessed with it. Or may be its just my personal experience that I’m meeting up these sort of people quite frequently… Even I confess, sometimes I feel stressed but now over the period of time, I learnt certain ways to cheer up myself & get back to life.

Then I wonder, why these people so stressed all the time? Do you think perception is the problem? or negative mind-set is the root cause here???

What’s wrong???

Since past few days I’ve been observing something strange & unexpected going on in my life. I don’t know why but usually these days I’m getting unexpected responses(Or you can say no responses at all) from people around me. I have a good habit to take some time & pass on my good wishes on any special occasion to the concerned person, so doesn’t matter how small the occasion is. I always remember those dates & make sure to wish them. The only logic behind this behavior is that, I know it always feels nice when your cellphone beeps specially on your birthday or so on… I do it with literally no expectations, as I have been doing this since long back & obviously what can I expect from a old friend whom I’ve not seen say almost more than a decade.

But since past few months I observed that I was not getting any response from the person I just wished. Everytime I assumed that very obviously he must be busy on such a special occasion but man come on tell me do you celebrate your birthday for 15 days?? Huh!!!

Ok let me tell you one incident happened recently. Few days back,one of my engineering mate messaged me on the ORKUT after long long time. He is out of the coutry say for 1 year. I happily responded him & asked me how was going… as expected there were few messages exchanged. After say 1 month, I wished him on his birthday through ORKUT only. But till this time, I have not received any response from him. Anyways I assume he might have missed my message amongst all other birthday wishes.

Ok other incident, I wished my sister on her birthday with an early morning SMS… No Response. So I called her after say 2 hours, I found nobody was answering the call. Ok so I got the answer that she forgot her cellphone :-) But anyways I’m very sure about her that she will not overlook me, so I’m happy :-)

So in all these happenings I’m not disappointed but definitely I’m concerned as I’m asking myself “What’s wrong on my behalf? What’s making people around me behaving like this?” Probably, 2 possibilities :

1. They don’t feel like responding as they feel its just a formality
2. They might be considering that I’m so understanding that even if they don’t reply, I will assume that they are busy :-)

Anwyays whatever it may be, I’ve decided to keep a close tap on my behavior to check out if I’m behaving oddly :-) That’s the best thing I can do… :-)

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus!

Huh!!! Very familiar & popular topic. This is a well known fact that boys and girls are surely different in all the aspects. Even if it is the simplest issue of shopping or most critical issue of solving a problem is concerned, both have their own ways of approaching the problem. Usually we find that men try to solve a problem in more logical way while women tend to solve problems in more or less emotional way. In other words, men use brain in very straightforward result oriented approach while girls use their hearts to solve a problem & simultaneously build or maintain a very nice relationship.

No, hold on here I don’t mean girls use no brains to solve problems but I mean they more likely to be more emotional than being logical. So this one is the most basic important difference in Men & women, probably causing lots of more differences when both of them interacting with each other. Ok now let me first tell you guys that I’ll try to share my experiences or my views on how to maintain better relation but I’ve no intention to target or criticize any of them, neither girls nor boys. As being a guy, I can tell you better, how guys can communicate nicely with girls.

For example: If you talk to a woman in her language on her level on her favourite topics, do I need to tell you explicitly that you will get better results than you would if you just doing your own thing. :-) But I don’t mean that all that you should keep on discussing her favourite topics. No, not at all. But as you know women are more inclined to talk things than man would. Women prefer to resolve conflicts, discussing various aspects of situation. They just want to recollect the topic over & over until it has been completely resolved. While men tend to stay away from the discussion & move on quickly since they think discussing again on the same topic will create more problems but this can in fact cause problems between them because Men shuts down & women feels neglected.
The smart man will figure out this problem, will listen to the woman in his life. But he should not only listen, he should respond, comment, ask questions & somehow keep the conversation going until she thinks its resolved now. Now here is most critical part.

I know guys you must be thinking “boss, you expect us to listen girls all these things” Yes, I know sometime you loose your patience & that is harmful which could make the situation worst. That is why I said, don’t just listen, respond, comment & if you have some valid arguments put them in a very precise manner. This will not only satisfy her need to communicate but it will also get the issues open. This could work to your advantage also, particularly if you are in a relationship that you really care about.

So as I said men & women are different for sure but if you are watchful & pay attention to the signals she is passing, you can surely learn how to communicate with them effectively. Just try to recognise them, look them in the eye & pay attention to little clues that she will give. Talk to her & let her know that you are paying her attention. When you are at the same level of communication she is already, you will surely have her attention. And just make a note of one thing, in such situations don’t try to make fun out of her, this will create so many problems again. :-)

At least these are some things which I have noticed so far in my life & probably because of that I have quite a few very nice female friends as well. :-)

Hidden Positives behind the negatives, how?

I know this sounds very optimistic but yes it is very much possible. Though We know life is not always smooth & everyone has ups & downs in the life but for sure after every sad day, there comes a glad day. So in fact this is good exercise to use when you want to know what is really going on behind the scene. I will put my views how we can take things positively, I’ll also mention some experiences. There is something always positive behind the negative experiences, you just need to find it.

In fact, often we misinterpret obstacles as negative experiences, I mean its just like “We are not getting What we want and when we want it.” Sometimes even worse things happen simultaneously like you loose your job, your girlfriend ditches you & all of the above your house owner asks you to vacate his house. I know probably this is one of the worst case but let me put it here the other way round. You did not loose your job but you made yourself available for the better opportunity which is right here waiting for you. Your girlfriend freed you for the other better understanding & nice partner who is waiting & you are single. :-) And most importantly your house owner did not ask you to leave his house but he told you silently “Oh my boy, now its your age to buy a house, getting married & settle down”

I know it is very difficult to imagine & implement this kind of attitude, “you will say advising is very easy but actual implementation is very difficult.” Ok agreed but as I said earlier this was the worst case I discussed just before & even if it happens, yes it is difficult, very difficult to act positively under such circumstance but definitely its not impossible. I will not say always be aggressive but I will say for sometime just sit back, stay calm & try to find out what is exactly going wrong, is it really against you or just something which is passing you message & helping you to move on in your life.

Lets talk about the current situation. Everybody is aware how hard economic recession has hit!!! Even financial experts are unable to predict how critical it can go further. Bachelors are worried about their future, while married couples are worried about their families, expenses or whatever. First thing I would like to mention here is that I’m not an expert to suggest any solution especially when experts are backing off themselves from giving any concrete advice. But only thing I would like to mention here is that its time to think practically, instead of getting depressed start studying how you can handle this situation. Again, I do understand its very easy to suggest but seriously try this you will find so many motivating things behind recession. If you can survive this situation, you might have better life in future. Start keeping track of your expenses, there is nothing you should be feeling odd about this. As you know every big organisation keeps track of its expense & maintains a balance sheet then why cant you track your own expenses. No I’m not saying stop enjoying, spend money wherever it is really required & keep track of it. Though its a tough time, stay up to the mark & lets consider that some hidden power teaching you a lesson of how to save money & live a optimal life. Its just a bad patch in life, it will surely move on.

See quickly I gave you 2 examples. I hope those will surely help you to find out hidden positives behind the negatives. And as I said “Yes, some things are difficult to implement but not impossible.”