Love Marriage Vs Arranged Marriage

I know, this is one of the most popular topic on the Internet and off the internet as well. People literally jump into conversation to put forward their views. (Or it would be more appropriate to call it as a fight) :-) Sometimes directly or indirectly defending their own sides. At least, I can share my views here without any interruption until I finish… :-)

But before I start I’m sure you must be wondering – “why the hell Rahul is writing about marriages especially when he has no experience of a marriage at all?”

Come on guys, tell me honestly, can I even dare to say anything against marriage, after getting married? – No; So this is the time.. ;-)

 

Let’s start with comparing the differences rather than comparing the benefits. As far as my understanding is concerned, I believe the most significant difference would be the premarital time. In any love marriage, you get more time before marriage and with no strings attached so probably  you feel you are not obligated. You have a free will to understand your partner & move on if things don’t work out. However, in most of the love marriages people don’t even start with the  objective of getting married ; they become good friends & they find each other so compatible that they actually end up marrying each other.

Now consider the arranged marriage – obviously, the objective is clearly defined here even before you meet each other personally. And then you start matching those missing blocks to find the right match. The best part is; your family knows what you are doing so you don’t have to wait to talk on the phone untill everybody sleeps in the night :-) (Now, you may count that as a benefit, short term though…) And you can proudly announce your dating schedule in front of your whole family with no counter-questions what-so-ever.

Anyways, as I mentioned above, does that extra premarital time really make any difference? I mean I’ve friends falling into both these categories with mixed opinions, Read few of these comments –

- “In love marriage, you know your partner well before so there is nothing left to explore after marriage”

– “In arranged marriages, you get to see true colors of your partner only after marriage (really? Come on guys, you can’t be so pessimistic, you can say at least some good things about marriage)”

and so on & on & on…

Ok but to conclude in short, here is my 2 cents – It’s probably not about the way you get married, it’s about the mutual understanding and the patience (yes the patience to get along with those mood swings, the patience you need to cope up with the cricket match until it ends or the patience you need to choose blue curtains for your bedroom :-) )

Basically, it is just the compatibility & not the way of getting married. :-)

P.S. Please note, this article was written in order to highlight the differences between various types of Indian marriages & its completely for fun with no intention to provide any counselling advise what-so-ever. So please consider your partner selection decisions at your own risk.  :-)

P.P.S. And yes, one more thing, stop predicting my status based on the article above, I bet you going to get it wrong, so wait till I reveal it ;-)

View my website

Will you be my valentine?

So guys all set for celebrations? I’m pretty sure,very few people will end up reading this article today & I won’t be surprised if You are super-busy today ;-) Anyways that’s good. So I will start this post on the note of wishing all of you & your respective partners a very Happy Valentine’s Day!

By the way, do you know, why do we celebrate this day? 90% of people will plainly answer it as in the memories of St. Valentine & his martyrdom but do you know what is the actual story? How many of you know that St. Valentine was believed to be secretly married to many young lovers?

Vday

Aha,that’s interesting!!! See now I can sense some raised eyebrows… Most of the Indians will find it pretty identical to what happened in Mahabharata, when Lord Krishna married 16000 DASIs because of the edict. So in both the cases marriage was taken principally as an institution & a selfless act. And to me, that is the real message of the Valentine’s day.

Anyways that was the core concept which is the history now but lets see what is happening today. Read the script below :

There was this young guy who walked into a gift shop (Guy was single so there is no question of buying a gift :-)) but he just thought let see what all gifts are available so that he could prepare himself to gift something someday to his wife… As soon as he entered, an attendant greeted him politely with pretty clear intentions :-p, So here is what happened –

Shopkeeper – Good Evening Sir! How may I help you?
Guy - Show me some gifts so that I can choose something unique.
Shopkeeper – Sure Sir! Valentine gift, right?
Guy - (*remained silent*)
Shopkeeper – So how is your girlfriend?
Guy - She is fine! (WTF! what kind of question was that? Guy was bit furious, regretted for answering this)
Shopkeeper – *Grin!* No sir, I mean what type of person she is? Does she like gadgets, perfumes or anything specific?
    (Now, this is called as embarrassment.)
Guy - (*Embarrassed*) Show me whatever you have! I will choose myself.

I know guys, you would be more interested to know what happened later but that is out of context for this article so I won’t include it here. So, the point to note here is that, people are now more materialistic than the actual feeling behind celebrating this day. Tell me, how many of you actually take a day off to spend some quality time with your spouse? In some countries, it is an official holiday. I’m not against gifting your spouse/loved ones but more emphasis should be on spending good time with him/ her. So to conclude it in simple words –

Girls - Take some time & make him feel special, he really cares for you although you don’t realise it most of the time. He tries his best to keep you happy so certainly he deserves a nice treatment today. And when I say nice treatment, it is purely subjective & depends on his perception :-) Basically make him feel happy & lucky to have you in his life.

Guys - Its fairly simple for you, Buy her an expensive gift as much as your budget allows (Sorry but no excuses here), take her out for a dinner & make her feel special & unique. I would like to emphasize the word ‘unique’. And see how it works for you. The time you spend with her is the key. Be genuinely with her & listen to her :-) In fact I would say, you don’t need to wait for Valentine’s day to express your feelings. Just 30 seconds, are enough, I mean a genuine hug will convey your feelings to her & believe me she will understand it.

So finally once again, wish you all a very happy valentine’s day! Have a great time…

P.S. Stop visualizing me as the guy in the shop above. All the characters in the script are fictitious & any close resemblance to the real life is just a coincidence, you know that, right? ;-)

P.P.S. Scroll slightly up & read the conclusion in the last few lines again. Because I truly mean it.

Stressful Life, Why?

It was an extremely cold morning & I was out for morning walk with Dad. Since I was back home on leave for 5 days, it was our usual routine to get up early, go for morning walk & have a cup of tea from the beach-side hotel. Weather was awesomely pleasant. While we were walking, I noticed a cute little kid, with long hair tied up as a pony tail walking with his Dad holding Dad’s finger. He must be around 3-4 years old, trying to walk little faster to match up with his Dad’s speed. His Dad was visibly a poor man, I guess a building construction labour. Kid was seemingly happy & laughing loudly enough that I could hear him on the other side of the road, probably because his Dad was telling him some funny story. I was wondering what that small kid was trying to tell his father :-)

father-and-son1

Another incident  reported by one of my friend. He was in his hometown for Diwali. As you know in India, Diwali is the season for shopping, my friend was also out for shopping.He saw a guy returning back home, riding on his bicycle. And guess what? His entire family, his son, wife & himself riding on the same bicycle. Enjoying their ride, they must have finished their Diwali shopping & returning back home.

Now from both these incidents I noticed that these people definitely do not have lavishing lifestyles but still they were visibly happy & contained with their lives. On the other hand I meet so many people around me; they actually do not have any reason to be tensed or depressed. They have a secure job, earning enough money to afford their lavishing lifestyle. I mean, don’t take me wrong, I’m not only considering monetary aspects but these people are really depressed for nothing. Think about those people who can’t even afford meals for 2 times a day but still they manage to smile. Even worse, I’ve noticed a pathetic & irritating trend of running behind money endlessly. It is so damn irritating when people keep discussing about money all the time. I’m not saying they are wrong, I understand financial stability is important factor but people are getting obsessed with it. Or may be its just my personal experience that I’m meeting up these sort of people quite frequently… Even I confess, sometimes I feel stressed but now over the period of time, I learnt certain ways to cheer up myself & get back to life.

Then I wonder, why these people so stressed all the time? Do you think perception is the problem? or negative mind-set is the root cause here???

Men do take more time

dm

Recently somewhere I read that as per the research analysis it is found that men do take more time to move on or come out of a break up as compared to women. Even I do feel so. I mean hold on before you start opposing me; let me brief. I completely agree that almost every woman is very emotional & that’s how God created them but still I’ve strong feeling that guys don’t express frequently or probably they have an art of suppressing their feeling which unusually explodes when they reach the super-depression point. I mean they don’t express instantly & try to handle the situation as much as they can do independently. They take more time to get emotionally involved or attached as compared to women but once they are in, they can’t get out of it so easily. I know there have been more significant incidents on-screen & off-screen too, where you must have come across a situation when your female friend is left upset by her boyfriend but still I feel it isn’t the case always.

In case of boys, their personal as well as professional life goes side by side, we have seen several cases when after break-up boys could not get hold of their career also. For example, you must have heard about Chatan Anand, where is he now? While his counterpart, Jwala Gutta climbing the ladder of success. I really appreciate her hard work & in fact I’m a big fan of her, whatever she has achieved today, probably has nothing to do with personal life. It doesn’t really mean that she has not faced the reality but she could stand strongly & bounce back. Where is Mohd. Asif & by the way you know where is Veena Malik now a days?

Do I really need to mention anything about Kareena & Shahid?

Apart from these celebrities, I personally know couple of guys who are very close to me; could never got out of their breakups (at least till date). Even after their girlfriends got happily married or engaged, they are still killing themselves day by day. Every time they watch any sentimental movie, their facial expression says it all. Trust me this is all I’ve seen. Even after trying to console them or convince them to face reality, they could never be able to come back on track. In spite of being scholar & toppers in their schools & colleges, even after successfully climbing the corporate ladder, all of a sudden as soon as their lady luck left them alone, they shattered like, nobody could have imagined. Sometimes they even end up, destroying their professional as well as person life which was far better when they were with their lady. Now, you must be thinking then why in the first place they could not be with her for whole life? When this question was asked, answer was weird & beyond our understanding.  “I could never decide when I was with her & when she is gone, I am unable to stay without her.

By saying all this, I seriously don’t mean to say that girls can quickly get up & move on, I do agree that even girls are also equally & severely hurt, in most cases take long time to settle down but it seems they are slightly stronger than boys in this case.

Trust me, boys are also very emotional, its just that they hold it back before they destroy themselves. And of course I would like to clarify that ultimately it depends from person to person how he or she reacts to the personal affairs.

P.S. Trust me, the guy who might look tougher or the one who sounds rude, can be emotionally weak & you can’t even imagine how much he would be loving you so please keep this thing back of your mind, “Though guys are not that good in expressing their feelings, they do love you & they too miss you, it’s just that they don’t speak up

P.P.S. All the views expressed here are completely my opinions & it may differ from individual views. I’ve no intention to disrespect any gender, especially I really respect women & I know that they are very sweet & understanding, too.

What’s wrong???

Since past few days I’ve been observing something strange & unexpected going on in my life. I don’t know why but usually these days I’m getting unexpected responses(Or you can say no responses at all) from people around me. I have a good habit to take some time & pass on my good wishes on any special occasion to the concerned person, so doesn’t matter how small the occasion is. I always remember those dates & make sure to wish them. The only logic behind this behavior is that, I know it always feels nice when your cellphone beeps specially on your birthday or so on… I do it with literally no expectations, as I have been doing this since long back & obviously what can I expect from a old friend whom I’ve not seen say almost more than a decade.

But since past few months I observed that I was not getting any response from the person I just wished. Everytime I assumed that very obviously he must be busy on such a special occasion but man come on tell me do you celebrate your birthday for 15 days?? Huh!!!

Ok let me tell you one incident happened recently. Few days back,one of my engineering mate messaged me on the ORKUT after long long time. He is out of the coutry say for 1 year. I happily responded him & asked me how was going… as expected there were few messages exchanged. After say 1 month, I wished him on his birthday through ORKUT only. But till this time, I have not received any response from him. Anyways I assume he might have missed my message amongst all other birthday wishes.

Ok other incident, I wished my sister on her birthday with an early morning SMS… No Response. So I called her after say 2 hours, I found nobody was answering the call. Ok so I got the answer that she forgot her cellphone :-) But anyways I’m very sure about her that she will not overlook me, so I’m happy :-)

So in all these happenings I’m not disappointed but definitely I’m concerned as I’m asking myself “What’s wrong on my behalf? What’s making people around me behaving like this?” Probably, 2 possibilities :

1. They don’t feel like responding as they feel its just a formality
2. They might be considering that I’m so understanding that even if they don’t reply, I will assume that they are busy :-)

Anwyays whatever it may be, I’ve decided to keep a close tap on my behavior to check out if I’m behaving oddly :-) That’s the best thing I can do… :-)

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus!

Huh!!! Very familiar & popular topic. This is a well known fact that boys and girls are surely different in all the aspects. Even if it is the simplest issue of shopping or most critical issue of solving a problem is concerned, both have their own ways of approaching the problem. Usually we find that men try to solve a problem in more logical way while women tend to solve problems in more or less emotional way. In other words, men use brain in very straightforward result oriented approach while girls use their hearts to solve a problem & simultaneously build or maintain a very nice relationship.

No, hold on here I don’t mean girls use no brains to solve problems but I mean they more likely to be more emotional than being logical. So this one is the most basic important difference in Men & women, probably causing lots of more differences when both of them interacting with each other. Ok now let me first tell you guys that I’ll try to share my experiences or my views on how to maintain better relation but I’ve no intention to target or criticize any of them, neither girls nor boys. As being a guy, I can tell you better, how guys can communicate nicely with girls.

For example: If you talk to a woman in her language on her level on her favourite topics, do I need to tell you explicitly that you will get better results than you would if you just doing your own thing. :-) But I don’t mean that all that you should keep on discussing her favourite topics. No, not at all. But as you know women are more inclined to talk things than man would. Women prefer to resolve conflicts, discussing various aspects of situation. They just want to recollect the topic over & over until it has been completely resolved. While men tend to stay away from the discussion & move on quickly since they think discussing again on the same topic will create more problems but this can in fact cause problems between them because Men shuts down & women feels neglected.
The smart man will figure out this problem, will listen to the woman in his life. But he should not only listen, he should respond, comment, ask questions & somehow keep the conversation going until she thinks its resolved now. Now here is most critical part.

I know guys you must be thinking “boss, you expect us to listen girls all these things” Yes, I know sometime you loose your patience & that is harmful which could make the situation worst. That is why I said, don’t just listen, respond, comment & if you have some valid arguments put them in a very precise manner. This will not only satisfy her need to communicate but it will also get the issues open. This could work to your advantage also, particularly if you are in a relationship that you really care about.

So as I said men & women are different for sure but if you are watchful & pay attention to the signals she is passing, you can surely learn how to communicate with them effectively. Just try to recognise them, look them in the eye & pay attention to little clues that she will give. Talk to her & let her know that you are paying her attention. When you are at the same level of communication she is already, you will surely have her attention. And just make a note of one thing, in such situations don’t try to make fun out of her, this will create so many problems again. :-)

At least these are some things which I have noticed so far in my life & probably because of that I have quite a few very nice female friends as well. :-)

I met my best friend’s parents.

It was one of most memorable incident. So guys let me share with you something nice happened to me. This was the first time ever I was supposed to meet one of my female friend’s parents. First of all let me tell you about my friend. She is the CLOSEST female friend of mine. She is my best friend. We have been together almost for more than 6 years. On this nice Sunday evening I went her home. When I went there her Dad has gone somewhere out & was supposed to come later. So I met her Mom first. My friend has always been describing me that her Mom scolds her a lot but after meeting her I don’t believe this. Her Mom is very very sweet & she was so happy to me that I was stunned. I have never meet aunty before but she was talking to me very nicely, she offered me juice & lot more to come. Then she asked me some typical set of questions, but at all those times she was not at all sounding rude, very calm & with smiling face. Guys I honestly tell you that I was very tensed as I was getting slightly nervous to meet her Dad. Anyways after some time he came. As soon as he entered, he gave me an angry look & shook hand with me introducing with his first name in very confident firm voice. Huhhh!! I was really scared…but a moment a later he smiled. Ahhh!!! I was relieved. I must say that her Dad has great sense of humour. Probably, he just did that to scare me. Then, he was interacting with me very nicely & there was lot of professional as well as family talk but all in all it was a healthy discussion going on. Uncle was cracking some real time, crispy jokes which was making me feel relaxed at a moment.

All in all so far everything went well. In all this meantime, aunty has given me enough of things to eat & huh!!! She was continuously asking me “Why are you not eating? Why are you so slow?” :-) Actually saying, I was full already but I was just following my friend’s instructions as she has told me that her Mom doesn’t like if somebody leaves anything on the plate. :-( And later on it was the cold treat for me with 2 flavours of ice creams & guess what??? It was prepared by auntyji herself at home. I tell you guys, nobody can say that it wasn’t from a shop. It was that delicious.

And here comes the final part of the meeting which touched me & I’m never going to forget it in my whole life, that’s for sure. As soon as I said “Ok uncle, I’ll leave now” Uncle went inside & brought 2 gift packets in his hand. I was very surprised. Seriously I was not expecting this. One gift was given by himself & other one by auntyji. I was really touched. Probably you might feel what so special in this but tell me if just a guy who is friend of their daughter, does he really deserve such a nice & wonderful treatment? One step further after this all family members came out of house to send me off. Now, tell me isn’t it touching that a simple guy like me given such a nice treatment by those 2 very nice people? If they wanted they could have just give me an ordinary treatment & honestly I was not expecting beyond that. But I’m very happy as whatever happened on this nice Sunday was much beyond my expectation.

Thank you so much Uncle-Aunty for inviting me, giving me such a nice treat & making me feel very nice about myself!!! :-)

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Wish You all a very Happy Valentines day!!!

This year I heard that some political parties are going to support, Oh sorry I mean going to protect couples & encourage love birds for celebrating valentines day!!! I was just wondering why do they need support & protection from anyone? I mean if someone is just roming around with his/her friend, come on its not a crime… Ok fine, I belive & even I dont feel its correct to display love & affection in public places. Probably this is what these people are talking about. But definitely its not the case always then why to bother those people who are happy with their own lives? Why to protest against those who are celebrating valentines day? Atleast if they are not disturbing or harming anyone else or not portraying anything obscene in public places . Anyways this is not what I want to talk about or else some people might beat me ;-)

Anyways I’m not here to support here any of the either party so leaving behind these some controversial issues let’s get back to the Valentine’s day!!! So just few days back I was searching the logic behind celebrating about valentines day. I found that this day is celebrated after saint Valentine & people express their love to closed ones by wishing them, passing greetings & chocolates. Also all of you must be knowing that this day is not only for couples but it can be for friends as well. I personally believe in love & relationships. I respect those who are in a relation but provided only if its a genuine relationship. When I said “I respect those who are in a relation…” I do not only mean couples but friends also. And of course I admire those who are in serious committments. Its really a big thing.

Anyways, so all my readers a very very Happy Valentine’s day again!!!

Hidden Positives behind the negatives, how?

I know this sounds very optimistic but yes it is very much possible. Though We know life is not always smooth & everyone has ups & downs in the life but for sure after every sad day, there comes a glad day. So in fact this is good exercise to use when you want to know what is really going on behind the scene. I will put my views how we can take things positively, I’ll also mention some experiences. There is something always positive behind the negative experiences, you just need to find it.

In fact, often we misinterpret obstacles as negative experiences, I mean its just like “We are not getting What we want and when we want it.” Sometimes even worse things happen simultaneously like you loose your job, your girlfriend ditches you & all of the above your house owner asks you to vacate his house. I know probably this is one of the worst case but let me put it here the other way round. You did not loose your job but you made yourself available for the better opportunity which is right here waiting for you. Your girlfriend freed you for the other better understanding & nice partner who is waiting & you are single. :-) And most importantly your house owner did not ask you to leave his house but he told you silently “Oh my boy, now its your age to buy a house, getting married & settle down”

I know it is very difficult to imagine & implement this kind of attitude, “you will say advising is very easy but actual implementation is very difficult.” Ok agreed but as I said earlier this was the worst case I discussed just before & even if it happens, yes it is difficult, very difficult to act positively under such circumstance but definitely its not impossible. I will not say always be aggressive but I will say for sometime just sit back, stay calm & try to find out what is exactly going wrong, is it really against you or just something which is passing you message & helping you to move on in your life.

Lets talk about the current situation. Everybody is aware how hard economic recession has hit!!! Even financial experts are unable to predict how critical it can go further. Bachelors are worried about their future, while married couples are worried about their families, expenses or whatever. First thing I would like to mention here is that I’m not an expert to suggest any solution especially when experts are backing off themselves from giving any concrete advice. But only thing I would like to mention here is that its time to think practically, instead of getting depressed start studying how you can handle this situation. Again, I do understand its very easy to suggest but seriously try this you will find so many motivating things behind recession. If you can survive this situation, you might have better life in future. Start keeping track of your expenses, there is nothing you should be feeling odd about this. As you know every big organisation keeps track of its expense & maintains a balance sheet then why cant you track your own expenses. No I’m not saying stop enjoying, spend money wherever it is really required & keep track of it. Though its a tough time, stay up to the mark & lets consider that some hidden power teaching you a lesson of how to save money & live a optimal life. Its just a bad patch in life, it will surely move on.

See quickly I gave you 2 examples. I hope those will surely help you to find out hidden positives behind the negatives. And as I said “Yes, some things are difficult to implement but not impossible.”

Love & Life

I’m not sure who is the original author but I thought I should share this with you.This story tells us something about LOVE & LIFE…. Here it goes…

“My husband is S/W Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite; his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce. “Why? ” he asked, shocked. “I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world!” I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought. My feeling of disappointment only increased. Here was a man who was not able to even express his predicament, so what else could I expect from him? And finally he asked me: “What can I do to change your mind?” Somebody said it right… It’s hard to change a person’s personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: “Here is the question. If you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind. Let’s say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death. Will you do it for me?” He said: ” I will give you your answer tomorrow….” My hopes just sank by listening to his response. I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes….

My dear, “I would not pick that flower for you, but…. please allow me to explain the reasons further….. This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading. “When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen. I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city. I have to save my eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your “good friend” approaches every month. I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy. You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes. I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand…and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face… Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do… I could not pick that flower yet, and die … ” My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting. .. And as I continue on reading… “Now, that you have finished reading my answer, and if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk…”

I rushed to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread….Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone…

That’s LIFE, and LOVE. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness. Love shows up in all forms; even in very small and cheeky forms. It has never been a model. It could be the dullest and most boring form … Flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands… AND THAT’S LIFE P/s: this is not my experience but it truly happens.

Lets get the moral of this story. Most of the time we do not appreciate people around us, they may not good in expressing their feelings but it doesn’t mean that they don’t love u. If they aren’t good at expressing love, then why don’t we take the first step to show some love???”